My Children

It's amazing how God amazes you in the most unusual ways. Although his amazement is all around me, I tend to forget to look around and see it. This morning I was walking outside with Natalia and the weather was wonderful. There was a cool breeze and the sun was shining. As I walked I looked into the sky and noticed how beautiful the cloud looked. It wasn't the typical puffy clouds, but rather feathery clouds painted in the sky. It really did look like a painting that only God could create.
Another form God daily amazes and blesses me is through my children. They are incredible little people, their laughter and smiles bring so much joy to my heart that it could burst with happiness.
Here are some of the special things that amaze me about my children.

Rodrigo (RJ)

He lost his first tooth this week (naturally not through an accident), and we can see his adult tooth popping up through his gums. This is a huge milestone for our little guy, I can't believe how big he is getting.

He is in GA Pre-K now which means he is in school from 7:30-2:15 every day. This has been an adjustment for him and for me as well. I miss my little guy so much, it is strange not having him around all day to play or talk with. If you know RJ well you know he talks non-stop all day. Although this can get annoying at times, I miss it. This is just another step in growing up and a huge realization for me that this is the way it will be for many years now.

Everyday RJ wakes up with a smile on his face. It doesn't matter if it is 6 or 8AM, he wakes up with an incredible joy and he is so happy to see us. He greets us in the morning with that big smile along with a big hug and kisses. Although he is growing up, I hope that never changes. I am so grateful that God has given that boy the incredible gift of joy and happiness which is contagious to everyone around him.

Rodri loves his baby sister. Although he has trouble sharing with her, I am amazed by those simple moments that he shows true love for his sister and caring for her. It is those characteristics that give me a glimpse of the father he will be some day.

Natalia

Natalia is such a loving girl. She loves to give hugs and kisses. She is learning to say I love you, yet that phrase radiates through her with her hugs. She enjoys cuddling and being close.

Natalia is very girly and motherly. I am still amazed by this every day. I can’t believe that even though she is surrounded by boy toys, she knows that babies are for her, that playing in her play kitchen is the thing to do and that princesses are the most fun books and toys to have. She loves to have her toes painted and watches me get ready in the morning as I put on makeup and do my hair.

She loves to help with anything and everything. She jumps at the chance to help empty the dishwasher or load the washing machine or dryer. If I ask her brother to bring me something, she is usually the first to bring it to me.

RJ could spend all day at home playing, but Natalia loves to go out. It doesn’t matter if it is outside, shopping or anything. She brings me her shoes because she wants to go “bye, bye”. It is so wonderful to see her emerging personality.

Natalia has the sweetest little voice. Although she is still learning many words, her “miiilk” and “pease” have to be the best little words she says.

These are my sweet children whom God has blessed me with. I am so grateful to live such a blessed life with my wonderful husband and these precious children. God, help me to nurture them and help them grow in your ways!

Identity

It has been way too long since my last post. I have many "blog" moments yet I never seem to find the time to get them written. God is so good, we have had a busy 6 months. I have been accepted into the student teaching cohort of Winter 2011, therefore I have been doing a lot of homework to meet deadlines. Praise God it is all coming together and I will be done with all of it soon!

Anyways...

Have you ever asked yourself, what is my identity? How do people see me?

I don't know if I've ever asked myself those questions before, but lately it seems to be the topic on my mind.

As a wife you tend to do everything you can for your husband. Most likely your husband does the same. You look forward to spending time together and sharing everything.

As a mother it is easy to get wrapped up in your children. It is a reality and it does or will happen. The tiny creatures in your life take up so much time and energy that you feel you have nothing left to share.

I've seen myself this way for many years, a mother and wife.

Lately I've come to the conclusion that my identity is placed in so much more than being a mother and wife.

I have my husband (and of course God) to thank for this. A couple weeks ago he was supposed to go on a mission trip with our church to South Dakota to a Native American reservation. A week before the trip I shared with him the desire I have to help people in need and how we need to do more to help (all started by listening to 104.7 The Fish on the day they were having the Compassion International fundraiser, the stories told brought tears to my eyes and a true yearning to help).
Within 5 minutes he decided I needed to go on the mission trip and he would stay home with the kids.
I was in shock, I had never even thought about going on the mission trip let alone leaving my children...
I made excuses, many excuses...too much homework...too long for me to be away from the kids...they needed Rodrigo to go....and the list goes on. Deep in my heart I wanted to go, to escape...but the guilt was much stronger, the guilt of leaving my family to fill my desire of helping the needy.
Rodrigo decided I needed to go and although my feet were dragging until I stepped onto the bus, I went.
My heart was filled with sorrow, guilt, pain...and happiness as we left the church that morning at 5AM. I prayed and prayed that God would use me, would change me, would renew me. My desire was to serve him and be used to bless others.
I have always been viewed as the pastor's wife, or the mother of RJ and Natalia...I never felt like I was viewed as Kellyann.
It was an awkward experience trying to fit into a group without my identities of mommy and wife. I didn't want to bore people with my mommy stories and held myself back a lot, something I needed to do.
Through much prayer and wonderful friends, God helped me and became an integral part to a team, a family.
In the beginning I felt like I needed to live up to being Rodrigo's wife, especially since I went on the trip instead of him...but God had his own plan and used me in his own way.

The mission trip was to help a Native American family in need and we did. But the trip was more to me, it helped me find MY identity, MY identity in Christ.

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Galatians 2:20 NIV)

What is your identity?

Exhaustion

It has been a long week. I am exhausted, the kids have been waking up around 6 every morning. This wouldn't be a problem if I would go to sleep earlier. But due to the fact that I spend most evenings doing homework or working on preschool lesson plans, I don't usually get to sleep till 11:30-12ish.
I can honestly say that I am getting to a point of burn out. I feel like I have so many things I need to do I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I am a child of God,
I am a daughter,
I am a wife,
I am a mother,
I am a student,
I am a teacher,
and I am a friend.
These are "7 hats" I don't carry lightly and they all mean so much to me. Many times I find myself torn completely between them all, I don't feel like I can give 100% in any of them.
Many times I find myself asking "Why does this have to be so hard?" "Why do I have to do homework when I could spend time with my husband or read a book for pleasure?" I keep asking why, why, why, the list could go on forever.
This week has been hard to say the least. It wasn't too different than any other week except 2 unexpected things happened: my assistant is out for the week due to surgery and I hurt my back badly on Monday. Both of these situations have put me in a bad mood and have made me just a mean person. I know they haven't done this to me but it has affected me in ways I didn't expect.
(Although my back still hurts, it feels a lot better and I can almost stand up straight without pain. I owe this to the fact that I finally let go and let God. He is the only reason I feel better.)
I feel like I have been attacked by the enemy this week, I let my guard down and he attacked. I have been mean and unkind to my husband and impatient with my children and just unpleasant to be around.
Today I finally realized what was happening and I had to take a step back and reevaluate things. I realized that I need to stop asking and blaming. I need to stop asking God why. I need to stop blaming myself or my family for things that are out of our control. I need to let God. I need to let him into every single nook and cranny of my life. He needs to be in control. I came across this verse today that gave me peace and comfort:

Psalm 62:1-8, 11-12
My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.
How long will you assault a man?
Would all of you throw him down-
this leaning wall, this tottering fence?
They fully intend to topple him
from his lofty place;
they take delight in lies.
With their mouths they bless,
but in their hearts they curse.
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and honor depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Trust in him at all times,
O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
......One thing God has spoken,
two things have I heard:
that you, O God, are strong,
and that you, O Lord, are loving.
Surely you will reward each person
according to what he has done.

We serve a loving, forgiving God. He comforts and encourages in our times of need, he is faithful and almighty.
I need to stop complaining, I need to start focusing, focusing on what matters, God and his plans for my life. I need to start seeking him!

My Sweet Boy...

Rodri said the cutest thing yesterday and I don't want to forget it :)
(He says a lot of cute things now that shows me how much he is beginning to understand the world, it is fun to watch him grow up!)

Rodri, Natalia and I were eating dinner before ESL yesterday. It was getting late and I was pushing them to finish eating so we could leave.

Our Dialogue

RJ- "Mommy, when I grow up you and Natalia are going to stay home and I am going to go to work."

Me- "Really?"

RJ- "Yes, and we'll need 3 cars; one for me, one for daddy and one for mommy. Then there will be 2 daddys."

Me- "2 Daddies??"

RJ- "Yes because I'll be a Daddy too."

Me- "Oh, thats good. What about another mommy?"

RJ- "No, I want you to be the mommy."

Me- "Well sweetie, I can't be the mommy. Someday when you are older you will get to marry a girl that is close to your age. She will be the mommy of your kids."

RJ- "A girl like Ellie?" (Ellie is RJ's best friend)

Me- "Well yes, it could be Ellie or another girl."

RJ- "No I don't think it will be Ellie, I want it to be Grace!" (Grace is a girl in his class that is always so sweet and kind to him)

Me- "Well that would be nice,"

RJ- "Well then we need 4 cars!"

What a sweet heart me little boy has. He has his priorities straight :) When he grows up he wants to go to work and have a wife and be a daddy and of course he needs to have enough cars for everyone :). I must say I think he has the right idea :)

Toothless

On Saturday RJ had a little fall. He was riding one of his old push toys, which he does all the time, and he sped onto the hard wood floor from the carpet and went over the steering wheel and hit his 2 front teeth. He bled quite a bit and after consulting the dentist we decided to just keep an eye on it. His gums were very swollen and bruised but he didn't complain about pain.
Last night RJ came down with a high fever. We gave him and bath and tylenol and the fever went down and we went to bed. Then this morning he woke up with a fever again and I decided to take him to the pediatrician. We weren't sure uf he'd caught a bug or if it was all related to his fall.
Well I was in a hurry to get to the pediatrician because we were late and I wasn't paying attention to the speed limit. Of course I got pulled over and my none other then our policeman neighbor. I think it was a blessing in disguise because he didn't give me a ticket but it sure was embarassing.
Anyways the pediatrician doesn't think he has the flu because his only sympton is the fever. They did a strep test and it was negative. She recommended we see the dentist to make sure there wasn't an infection of some sort related to his fall.
When we saw the dentist, after looking at his X-rays, they concluded that his teeth needed to be taken out. They were barely hanging on by a thread.
They put a laughing gas mask on him which they called the elephant mask (which he liked off course) to help relax him.


Then they came in a they took his 2 front teeth out. I think it was more traumatic for me than it was for him.
I guess in the moment on an accident, crisis, or worries we remember how much we need to trust in God. It was very hard for me to watch them take my 3 year old baby boy's teeth out, but I was powerless, there was nothing I could do. Thats when we remember that God is in control, not us. He is the one that is able to take care of all things, if we let him.
So I was reminded today of how much I forget to trust in God and how much I really need to! Praise God that he is in control, it certainly makes our lives easier!


Even though RJ has had a fever off and on all day, I trust that it will be okay because God is in control!

Missing my Hubby!!

Rodrigo left yesterday for a class in Orlando and I already miss him so much!! He is such a wonderful husband and always so helpful! I struggle the days he is not home...today was one such day!
Heres a small idea of what my day has been like:

5:30 AM I hear Natalia start to wake-up, I pray she falls back to sleep...

6:00 AM She hasn't gone back to sleep and now RJ is awake...time to start a new day I guess. Natalia is very warm and fussy...I'm wondering if she has a fever...take her temperature...no fever...

6:15 AM Get Natalia's bottle made and start getting ready for work.

7:00 AM Almost ready for work but battling with RJ about leaving his sister alone instead of torturing her with wrapping a blanket around her...

8:00 AM We are all ready to head downstairs for breakfast...

8:10 AM RJ won't sit still to eat his oatmeal...Natalia doesn't really want to eat her yogurt and makes a mess all over her clothes.

8:20 AM Head back upstairs to change Natalia...

8:30 AM Make a lunch for RJ and get Natalia's diaper bag ready...

8:50 AM Finally walking out the door....late again!

9:00 AM Arrive at church...Leave kids with Donna in nursery...walk down hall listening to Natalia cry at the top of her lungs...

9:15 AM Finally starting a work day with her 3 year old class....

12:30 PM Finish class with kiddos and head upstairs to pick up her kiddos.

12:35 PM Decide to go to Monkey Joes with Paige and Ellie...

12:40 PM Natalia is very fussy because she did not sleep at all this morning...yet I still decide we should go to Monkey Joes.

1:00 PM Go through drive through at Taco Bell for some lunch and then head to Monkey Joes

1:30-3:30 PM Watch RJ and Ellie have a great time playing together! RJ is big enough now to climb the jumpies all by himself! He is so proud of himself! What a big boy. Natalia even took a 30 minute nap...Paige and I actually feel rested after having some nice girl talk :)

3:30 PM Leave Monkey Joes...I decide I want to stop quickly at Office Max and Publix to get the BOGO yogurt I have coupons for.

3:40 PM Arrive at Office Max...I discover RJ has taken a shoe off yet I don't want to put it back on so I carry them both into Office Max...we get the organizers I was looking for...pay and go to the car and strap kids in only to realize Natalia doesn't have her pacifier...unstrap kids, go back in store and look for paci...paci is MIA!!

4:00 PM Enter Publix...get yogurt...go to checkout only yo realize the great deal I was after...ended yesterday!

4:20 PM Finally arrive home after a long day...

5:00 PM Heat up some leftovers for dinner...

5:15 PM Natalia refuses to eat her food...it is all over her now...

5:30 PM RJ can't sit still...

6:00 PM I decide to run to wal-mart for a Redbox movie and orajel for Natalia who seems to be in pain and once again feverish.

6:30 PM Finally head back home...

6:45 PM Go to turn on bathtub for kiddos and discover and surprise Natalia left the night before...ok to the other bathtub...

7:00 PM Natalia finally in pajamas and all cleaned up and now has a fever of 101.3...give her tylenol and her bottle and put her to bed...

7:05 PM RJ yells from bathtub that he has a bloody nose...

7:15 PM Both kids are in bed...

7:30 PM Scrub bathtub and sanitize toys after Natalia's little surprise...

7:45 PM Take out trashes and discover diaper pail bag had leaked...yuck...clean diaper pail...

8:00 PM Relax time!

Praise God not all days are like this! It is so easy to feel overwhelmed yet I tend to forget to look to God for help...Lord please help me get through days like these and help me remember my many many blessings, one huge one being my husband who would help me find humor in the situation and my desperation!!

Reflections of a Proud Mother

I feel very privileged and blessed to be a Mommy! It is the best job, of course second to being a wife ;)...but there are days that I am faced with difficult decisions. God is my guide and His word is the book I follow on raising my children but it is still hard...there are many days I don't know if I'm doing the right things...if I'm making the right decisions. I know I overreact, I yell, and there are days that I am impatient and just not nice. I just pray that I am not the only one who feels this way sometimes. God is good and he is forgiving and I praise Him that He gives me strength to go on everyday and follow His will.
And there are days that I feel so wonderful that I am a Mommy to my precious baby boy, well really big boy who is almost four (yikes!). He has the sweetest little heart and I love him so much! It has been a long week with much transition and tension and impatience. Yet as I was putting him to bed tonight, even after lost patience and yelling about listening to mommy, all he could say was how much he loved me and to quote his exact words "I love you too much all day!" He obviously has a way with words ;)
Then he turned to me and asked me if I loved him, I said"Off course I love you, you are so special to me!" We continued a back and forth I love you and why for about 10 minutes and then he went on to say "Well Jesus loves me too!"
It was so sweet and wonderful to see that he is beginning to understand the love God has for him!
I feel so proud of the boy we are raising! Since he started walking he has been unstoppable and at times one wild kid that never seemed to lose energy, he was the unstoppable energy bunny. At times it was good and and at times not so good. It has caused Rodrigo and I to question ourselves and our way of raising him. I read a wonderful book by James Dobson called, "Bringing up Boys"...he talks about all the aspects of a boy that make them boys and later on men. It talks about the different importances of a mother and father for their son and most importantly why their personalities and traits are so different than a "calm girl." It helped me look over my expectations I had for RJ and makes some much needed changes about what I should expect from him.
Lately RJ has changed so much. He is going to preschool 4 days a week now and it has helped him mature so much. He is so much calmer and he actually enjoys spending time coloring and learning. It's amazing watching him and the new things he is discovering!
He makes me so proud and I praise God for his life! He is so special and I felt I needed to share that, more than anything for myself. To remind me that my baby boy is special and amazing in his own little ways despite our daily frustrations! I can't wait to see what an incredible man he will be someday!

Our goofy, handsome little guy!