My Children

It's amazing how God amazes you in the most unusual ways. Although his amazement is all around me, I tend to forget to look around and see it. This morning I was walking outside with Natalia and the weather was wonderful. There was a cool breeze and the sun was shining. As I walked I looked into the sky and noticed how beautiful the cloud looked. It wasn't the typical puffy clouds, but rather feathery clouds painted in the sky. It really did look like a painting that only God could create.
Another form God daily amazes and blesses me is through my children. They are incredible little people, their laughter and smiles bring so much joy to my heart that it could burst with happiness.
Here are some of the special things that amaze me about my children.

Rodrigo (RJ)

He lost his first tooth this week (naturally not through an accident), and we can see his adult tooth popping up through his gums. This is a huge milestone for our little guy, I can't believe how big he is getting.

He is in GA Pre-K now which means he is in school from 7:30-2:15 every day. This has been an adjustment for him and for me as well. I miss my little guy so much, it is strange not having him around all day to play or talk with. If you know RJ well you know he talks non-stop all day. Although this can get annoying at times, I miss it. This is just another step in growing up and a huge realization for me that this is the way it will be for many years now.

Everyday RJ wakes up with a smile on his face. It doesn't matter if it is 6 or 8AM, he wakes up with an incredible joy and he is so happy to see us. He greets us in the morning with that big smile along with a big hug and kisses. Although he is growing up, I hope that never changes. I am so grateful that God has given that boy the incredible gift of joy and happiness which is contagious to everyone around him.

Rodri loves his baby sister. Although he has trouble sharing with her, I am amazed by those simple moments that he shows true love for his sister and caring for her. It is those characteristics that give me a glimpse of the father he will be some day.

Natalia

Natalia is such a loving girl. She loves to give hugs and kisses. She is learning to say I love you, yet that phrase radiates through her with her hugs. She enjoys cuddling and being close.

Natalia is very girly and motherly. I am still amazed by this every day. I can’t believe that even though she is surrounded by boy toys, she knows that babies are for her, that playing in her play kitchen is the thing to do and that princesses are the most fun books and toys to have. She loves to have her toes painted and watches me get ready in the morning as I put on makeup and do my hair.

She loves to help with anything and everything. She jumps at the chance to help empty the dishwasher or load the washing machine or dryer. If I ask her brother to bring me something, she is usually the first to bring it to me.

RJ could spend all day at home playing, but Natalia loves to go out. It doesn’t matter if it is outside, shopping or anything. She brings me her shoes because she wants to go “bye, bye”. It is so wonderful to see her emerging personality.

Natalia has the sweetest little voice. Although she is still learning many words, her “miiilk” and “pease” have to be the best little words she says.

These are my sweet children whom God has blessed me with. I am so grateful to live such a blessed life with my wonderful husband and these precious children. God, help me to nurture them and help them grow in your ways!

Identity

It has been way too long since my last post. I have many "blog" moments yet I never seem to find the time to get them written. God is so good, we have had a busy 6 months. I have been accepted into the student teaching cohort of Winter 2011, therefore I have been doing a lot of homework to meet deadlines. Praise God it is all coming together and I will be done with all of it soon!

Anyways...

Have you ever asked yourself, what is my identity? How do people see me?

I don't know if I've ever asked myself those questions before, but lately it seems to be the topic on my mind.

As a wife you tend to do everything you can for your husband. Most likely your husband does the same. You look forward to spending time together and sharing everything.

As a mother it is easy to get wrapped up in your children. It is a reality and it does or will happen. The tiny creatures in your life take up so much time and energy that you feel you have nothing left to share.

I've seen myself this way for many years, a mother and wife.

Lately I've come to the conclusion that my identity is placed in so much more than being a mother and wife.

I have my husband (and of course God) to thank for this. A couple weeks ago he was supposed to go on a mission trip with our church to South Dakota to a Native American reservation. A week before the trip I shared with him the desire I have to help people in need and how we need to do more to help (all started by listening to 104.7 The Fish on the day they were having the Compassion International fundraiser, the stories told brought tears to my eyes and a true yearning to help).
Within 5 minutes he decided I needed to go on the mission trip and he would stay home with the kids.
I was in shock, I had never even thought about going on the mission trip let alone leaving my children...
I made excuses, many excuses...too much homework...too long for me to be away from the kids...they needed Rodrigo to go....and the list goes on. Deep in my heart I wanted to go, to escape...but the guilt was much stronger, the guilt of leaving my family to fill my desire of helping the needy.
Rodrigo decided I needed to go and although my feet were dragging until I stepped onto the bus, I went.
My heart was filled with sorrow, guilt, pain...and happiness as we left the church that morning at 5AM. I prayed and prayed that God would use me, would change me, would renew me. My desire was to serve him and be used to bless others.
I have always been viewed as the pastor's wife, or the mother of RJ and Natalia...I never felt like I was viewed as Kellyann.
It was an awkward experience trying to fit into a group without my identities of mommy and wife. I didn't want to bore people with my mommy stories and held myself back a lot, something I needed to do.
Through much prayer and wonderful friends, God helped me and became an integral part to a team, a family.
In the beginning I felt like I needed to live up to being Rodrigo's wife, especially since I went on the trip instead of him...but God had his own plan and used me in his own way.

The mission trip was to help a Native American family in need and we did. But the trip was more to me, it helped me find MY identity, MY identity in Christ.

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Galatians 2:20 NIV)

What is your identity?

Exhaustion

It has been a long week. I am exhausted, the kids have been waking up around 6 every morning. This wouldn't be a problem if I would go to sleep earlier. But due to the fact that I spend most evenings doing homework or working on preschool lesson plans, I don't usually get to sleep till 11:30-12ish.
I can honestly say that I am getting to a point of burn out. I feel like I have so many things I need to do I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I am a child of God,
I am a daughter,
I am a wife,
I am a mother,
I am a student,
I am a teacher,
and I am a friend.
These are "7 hats" I don't carry lightly and they all mean so much to me. Many times I find myself torn completely between them all, I don't feel like I can give 100% in any of them.
Many times I find myself asking "Why does this have to be so hard?" "Why do I have to do homework when I could spend time with my husband or read a book for pleasure?" I keep asking why, why, why, the list could go on forever.
This week has been hard to say the least. It wasn't too different than any other week except 2 unexpected things happened: my assistant is out for the week due to surgery and I hurt my back badly on Monday. Both of these situations have put me in a bad mood and have made me just a mean person. I know they haven't done this to me but it has affected me in ways I didn't expect.
(Although my back still hurts, it feels a lot better and I can almost stand up straight without pain. I owe this to the fact that I finally let go and let God. He is the only reason I feel better.)
I feel like I have been attacked by the enemy this week, I let my guard down and he attacked. I have been mean and unkind to my husband and impatient with my children and just unpleasant to be around.
Today I finally realized what was happening and I had to take a step back and reevaluate things. I realized that I need to stop asking and blaming. I need to stop asking God why. I need to stop blaming myself or my family for things that are out of our control. I need to let God. I need to let him into every single nook and cranny of my life. He needs to be in control. I came across this verse today that gave me peace and comfort:

Psalm 62:1-8, 11-12
My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.
How long will you assault a man?
Would all of you throw him down-
this leaning wall, this tottering fence?
They fully intend to topple him
from his lofty place;
they take delight in lies.
With their mouths they bless,
but in their hearts they curse.
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and honor depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Trust in him at all times,
O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
......One thing God has spoken,
two things have I heard:
that you, O God, are strong,
and that you, O Lord, are loving.
Surely you will reward each person
according to what he has done.

We serve a loving, forgiving God. He comforts and encourages in our times of need, he is faithful and almighty.
I need to stop complaining, I need to start focusing, focusing on what matters, God and his plans for my life. I need to start seeking him!

My Sweet Boy...

Rodri said the cutest thing yesterday and I don't want to forget it :)
(He says a lot of cute things now that shows me how much he is beginning to understand the world, it is fun to watch him grow up!)

Rodri, Natalia and I were eating dinner before ESL yesterday. It was getting late and I was pushing them to finish eating so we could leave.

Our Dialogue

RJ- "Mommy, when I grow up you and Natalia are going to stay home and I am going to go to work."

Me- "Really?"

RJ- "Yes, and we'll need 3 cars; one for me, one for daddy and one for mommy. Then there will be 2 daddys."

Me- "2 Daddies??"

RJ- "Yes because I'll be a Daddy too."

Me- "Oh, thats good. What about another mommy?"

RJ- "No, I want you to be the mommy."

Me- "Well sweetie, I can't be the mommy. Someday when you are older you will get to marry a girl that is close to your age. She will be the mommy of your kids."

RJ- "A girl like Ellie?" (Ellie is RJ's best friend)

Me- "Well yes, it could be Ellie or another girl."

RJ- "No I don't think it will be Ellie, I want it to be Grace!" (Grace is a girl in his class that is always so sweet and kind to him)

Me- "Well that would be nice,"

RJ- "Well then we need 4 cars!"

What a sweet heart me little boy has. He has his priorities straight :) When he grows up he wants to go to work and have a wife and be a daddy and of course he needs to have enough cars for everyone :). I must say I think he has the right idea :)