Identity

It has been way too long since my last post. I have many "blog" moments yet I never seem to find the time to get them written. God is so good, we have had a busy 6 months. I have been accepted into the student teaching cohort of Winter 2011, therefore I have been doing a lot of homework to meet deadlines. Praise God it is all coming together and I will be done with all of it soon!

Anyways...

Have you ever asked yourself, what is my identity? How do people see me?

I don't know if I've ever asked myself those questions before, but lately it seems to be the topic on my mind.

As a wife you tend to do everything you can for your husband. Most likely your husband does the same. You look forward to spending time together and sharing everything.

As a mother it is easy to get wrapped up in your children. It is a reality and it does or will happen. The tiny creatures in your life take up so much time and energy that you feel you have nothing left to share.

I've seen myself this way for many years, a mother and wife.

Lately I've come to the conclusion that my identity is placed in so much more than being a mother and wife.

I have my husband (and of course God) to thank for this. A couple weeks ago he was supposed to go on a mission trip with our church to South Dakota to a Native American reservation. A week before the trip I shared with him the desire I have to help people in need and how we need to do more to help (all started by listening to 104.7 The Fish on the day they were having the Compassion International fundraiser, the stories told brought tears to my eyes and a true yearning to help).
Within 5 minutes he decided I needed to go on the mission trip and he would stay home with the kids.
I was in shock, I had never even thought about going on the mission trip let alone leaving my children...
I made excuses, many excuses...too much homework...too long for me to be away from the kids...they needed Rodrigo to go....and the list goes on. Deep in my heart I wanted to go, to escape...but the guilt was much stronger, the guilt of leaving my family to fill my desire of helping the needy.
Rodrigo decided I needed to go and although my feet were dragging until I stepped onto the bus, I went.
My heart was filled with sorrow, guilt, pain...and happiness as we left the church that morning at 5AM. I prayed and prayed that God would use me, would change me, would renew me. My desire was to serve him and be used to bless others.
I have always been viewed as the pastor's wife, or the mother of RJ and Natalia...I never felt like I was viewed as Kellyann.
It was an awkward experience trying to fit into a group without my identities of mommy and wife. I didn't want to bore people with my mommy stories and held myself back a lot, something I needed to do.
Through much prayer and wonderful friends, God helped me and became an integral part to a team, a family.
In the beginning I felt like I needed to live up to being Rodrigo's wife, especially since I went on the trip instead of him...but God had his own plan and used me in his own way.

The mission trip was to help a Native American family in need and we did. But the trip was more to me, it helped me find MY identity, MY identity in Christ.

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Galatians 2:20 NIV)

What is your identity?