I can honestly say that I am getting to a point of burn out. I feel like I have so many things I need to do I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I am a child of God,
I am a daughter,
I am a wife,
I am a mother,
I am a student,
I am a teacher,
and I am a friend.
These are "7 hats" I don't carry lightly and they all mean so much to me. Many times I find myself torn completely between them all, I don't feel like I can give 100% in any of them.
Many times I find myself asking "Why does this have to be so hard?" "Why do I have to do homework when I could spend time with my husband or read a book for pleasure?" I keep asking why, why, why, the list could go on forever.
This week has been hard to say the least. It wasn't too different than any other week except 2 unexpected things happened: my assistant is out for the week due to surgery and I hurt my back badly on Monday. Both of these situations have put me in a bad mood and have made me just a mean person. I know they haven't done this to me but it has affected me in ways I didn't expect.
(Although my back still hurts, it feels a lot better and I can almost stand up straight without pain. I owe this to the fact that I finally let go and let God. He is the only reason I feel better.)
I feel like I have been attacked by the enemy this week, I let my guard down and he attacked. I have been mean and unkind to my husband and impatient with my children and just unpleasant to be around.
Today I finally realized what was happening and I had to take a step back and reevaluate things. I realized that I need to stop asking and blaming. I need to stop asking God why. I need to stop blaming myself or my family for things that are out of our control. I need to let God. I need to let him into every single nook and cranny of my life. He needs to be in control. I came across this verse today that gave me peace and comfort:
Psalm 62:1-8, 11-12
My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.
How long will you assault a man?
Would all of you throw him down-
this leaning wall, this tottering fence?
They fully intend to topple him
from his lofty place;
they take delight in lies.
With their mouths they bless,
but in their hearts they curse.
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and honor depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Trust in him at all times,
O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
......One thing God has spoken,
two things have I heard:
that you, O God, are strong,
and that you, O Lord, are loving.
Surely you will reward each person
according to what he has done.
My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.
How long will you assault a man?
Would all of you throw him down-
this leaning wall, this tottering fence?
They fully intend to topple him
from his lofty place;
they take delight in lies.
With their mouths they bless,
but in their hearts they curse.
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and honor depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Trust in him at all times,
O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.
......One thing God has spoken,
two things have I heard:
that you, O God, are strong,
and that you, O Lord, are loving.
Surely you will reward each person
according to what he has done.
We serve a loving, forgiving God. He comforts and encourages in our times of need, he is faithful and almighty.
I need to stop complaining, I need to start focusing, focusing on what matters, God and his plans for my life. I need to start seeking him!
